I have spent many hours the past few weeks, in quiet contemplation. Setting aside books, news, papers, pen; I allowed the environment, consisting of the wind, rain, snow, temperature, sun, moon, bird calls, raven squawk – any event to rummage around inside and surface an emotion or memory.
Years have passed and some memories are no longer useful, and I discard them carefully and with purpose. Even the nasty and regretful memories, some I wish to have back and erase, or live again with different decisions, built the person I am now through the experience.
Spring is a violent season as winter clings tightly for control and extremes become common. It seems nature has pent up energy and a voice explodes forth.
I fear and respect the physical representations of her voice.
Back to another time and we stand helplessly, silently, as the fire burns.
I feel the warm space I walk within and I breath you deeply. Today is calm and I can taste your sweet breath, and I know to not take this day for granted, to appreciate and cherish what I have now. I have learned to allow each to stand alone, as a complete thought and experience, and string them together with the previous and the future ones to come. This is the life I wish to build.
I have learned to embrace the chaos, and have given up the quest to control the universe or to calm. Instead I bring the chaos within and rearrange the energy and particles and release what does not work, and consume what does.
Across the arctic, mountains rise in silence, casting long shadows across the tundra, where caribou run for miles and they have learned to coexist with the harsh and sparse environment they live within.
I have chosen to coexist with the chaos simmering and then erupting as I work through these transitions.