Essay – Guides and Turning Points

How did I get here? An important question I throw into the air while reading, writing, and drinking coffee on a cold morning with early sunlight across the fields.

In this current state of being, I awoke a few years ago after sleep walking through most of my life and leaving my path up to others, letting go of control.

It is simple and easy to look outside of yourself for direction and answers, and others are more then willing to lead and take you where they want you to go. I let this happen and my life was just a passing shadow, a fading glimpse of what could be and what I already was beneath the surface. Where was I really and truly? Where was he hiding, how could I find him, and the most important and challenging question: how to become aware that I was NOT being my true self?

The day to day struggles, emotions, and experience build upon others, all figuring into the outward person you are, the one we walk around with. What does this build within? How and what do these experiences build on the inside?

As they build on top of others, the layers push further away from a central point, diluting and diminishing the light, the lantern that is within. I had not seen my light, my lantern since before I was born, wandering a different place. Somehow I knew it was there, I had a vague and distant pain that this not my first time here. That there was more, but I was confused and unsure of what I was feeling and what I would see in dreams. I felt lost in one regard, and in another I was angry that I was unable to unlock the secrets deep within.

Like flotsam carried downstream beneath bridges, past cities, and into valleys before washing out to sea.

Whether intentional or not, we attract others that align or sense the energy that we give off, those vibrations that consume our thoughts and essence. I was searching each minute of each day, and that was what my life had become at that point. In this spiritual emptiness, I had become vulnerable, listening and latching onto anyone that said the right words, that seemed to be genuine, interested, and in some ways an equal, even if I did not believe or feel that way.

Further lost in the sea, the dark depths swallowed everything I saw.  Any glimpse of light vanished, any indication of land or solid ground, gone.

Until I met you.

I felt reborn and the darkness began to clear as you chipped away at the layers and stone scattered across my field. Your stories of things beyond here, of experiences from previous lives meant I was not alone, that what I felt was real.

Finally, someone to walk the golden shoreline, hand in hand as we watch the sunset and the calm sea.

From your guidance I realized the reality I desired, the control I had, and the answers within. I saw this current life as a field, and my experiences manifested as objects, tokens, and cairns. How we navigate that field, what we keep, and what we discard, determine the reality and the life we live.

I now see with more clarity the guides that I come into contact with, and know which are real and which are not.  I now see the stone cairns I have left for myself from previous and future lives.  I now walk this field with an ever-growing awareness of myself and the path I will take.

Golden Sunrise
Golden Sunrise

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