Part 2: Chapter 2 – Past Lives

Part 2 – Chapter 2 of “The Proven Life”

A smile, ever wide
The joy in her eyes
A gift given to her
I hide my silent cries

She does have her mother’s eyes
For that I am thankful
I wish her mother was here
For that I am tearful

Time spent in solitude
A swift river below
Rapids moving left to right
Pitfalls to avoid, many follow this path.

Surrounded by ancient rock
Once the floor of the river below
The sun blankets my naked body with rays
A lullaby slowly drifting off to sleep.

I am 6

Waking from a few day’s rest
Voices emanate from another room
My ears cannot make sense
Dropping to a whisper, the tingle rises.

Out the back door
Early morning dew wets cement steps
A view opened to green and blue
Water pools shimmer from the summer sun.

Moist grass blades reflect
A mirror of myself
I can see that which is behind me
The haunting shadow

Every step mimicked
The demon on my back
Smiling into the green mirror
His mouth, teeth bared

Old oaks canopy gives shade and protection
A shadow to hide within, isolation, solace
Shelter from swelling chaos
Even here the voices follow.

Giving up I venture to the dock
Walking as far as I can into the water
Through floating, displaced branches,
Bobbing turtle heads, to the other side.

I am 13.

A quiet, still room, seems lifeless
Yet speaks a story through fractured words
And the sense of something significant
Motionless, yet saying everything.

Untouched for a time
A photograph from the time he lived
Still burning in my mind
Through each waking moment.

Dust quietly settled into place
Protective layer preserving memories
Black and white, some yellowed
The photos have not moved…

I pause, inhale deeply, holding breath
Experience the biting cedar and oak
Eyes adjusting to the ancient light
Creeping through the cracked window

Staring at the desk to my left
I’m struck with thoughts,
Buried deep within
That I have not yet seen… until now

Him sitting patiently the months bills at hand
Moving methodically
From pen to paper
From envelope to stamp

Hair parted to the left
Pomade keeping youthful looks
Wrinkles from life teachings
Commanding respect, dignity

For in death
We ask one favor
Please let me go
With dignity in hand

I am 16

Pacing the hardwood floors
Finding distractions wherever I can
Mind a whirlwind of chaotic rain and hail
Wreaking havoc when I turn it on


The phone breaking my silence
Pulling me back to reality
That I must escape

Every step I climb,
As I get closer

A mountain to climb
On oxygen my own

My personal stairway to Heaven
The air musky and damp
Lungs fighting my mind
Rejecting the sustenance they are given
Limbs resisting
The commands they are given

Reaching the peak
Like many times before
Something has changed
New song echoing through the hall

I pause my motion
I start my mind
I want to live
I want to cry

I knock
“Come in”

Eyes glancing
Surveying the room
Eyes meeting
Silent answers to
Silent questions
Down the hall, to the left he waits

Opened blinds letting through the
Sun, a welcomed friend
Basking the man before me
In an effervescent light
Glowing radiantly
An angel before my eyes

He upon his resting place
Sitting up, life still there
Sparkle in his eyes
Life, movement
Time forgotten
End forgotten
If only for a moment

Today he physically breathes
Tomorrow he spiritually breathes
My guardian angel soon to be
I talk with him

He’s comfortable
He’s content
He’s my grandfather
He’s my life

The harvest moon rising and setting
The seasons blend into one another
Life from death from life
Orion the Hunter guarding

I need you
Your guidance
Your presence
Please do not judge

I am human
I am flawed
I am a heart
A soul
A mind
I am two beings

The mind split
From the soul

The heart left alone
Mediator between the two
A constant battle
One with a katana
The other with a bottle

Upon that day
Settled into your final resting place
Your soul lifted into Heaven
Your place next to God
My soul lost
My soul incomplete

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