Emerging from the depths,
wrangling free from its grips,
I took the only path I knew,
the only path that still made sense.
Cast from recent dreams
the path wavered and moved
as I passed through,
the grey sky dripped
with bright colors painting
the trees and grasses.
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In the fractured sleep of night’s immersed
in dreams based in nothing familiar or known,
one word repeated over and over – direct.
I watched power-less as background images
of tall buildings, lattice, and cross-stitched patterns
rotated and approached my view with ever increasing velocity.
At the end (or beginning) of a tunnel
bathed in wavering light with no sound
a shadow slowly approached.
The sides of the tunnel began to
move and rotate, grey lines
and intricate patterns covered everything.
and I briefly lost sight of the shadow
until something pushed me through
and I landed on the empty fields
near the forest where we first
met in ancient times and you
silently spoke directly to me.
I imagine one his photographs might look like this:
As my years here have grown,
and the world around shrinks,
the uncertainty of time increases,
and if I only learn one thing in this life,
it is this:
Cherish today, the people, animals, trees, right here in your grasp, as tomorrow they may slip away. Tomorrow may arrive, or it may not.
The sunless grey sky
releases an afternoon rain
pushing leaves beginning to transition
to bright yellows and deep reds.
Each drop’s ripple in the pond,
each leaf that falls through wind and rain
a reminder of nature’s course in time
and the fragile thread we all cling to.
When I see the evening sun
gracefully fall into the forest
and the last rays sweep across the sky
I hear the slow progression of cello and violin
as the music makes room in me for these rare
moments and feelings of peace.
I have been down that road
many times in this life
hoping that what is unknown and unseen
would change, a different result would be waiting
but after years of chasing shadows
and fleeing from truths steeped in stars
I found you waiting beneath the setting sun.
Shadows from high-clouds
in the early afternoon
pass over our faces
soaking in the autumn wind.
The black morning hides tall pine trees
rising against the star filled sky.
The silence broken only by the canines response
to the pack of coyotes and their screams.
A heavy mist hugs the wet ground
and stones glistened with the slightest light.
Through the drifting smoke
the scattered sun brings to life the forest
illuminated in halos captured in photos
that will help remember the peace and quiet.
I have not been more at peace
nor been closer to my true being
than our time here, in the wilds
of Alaska, surrounded by mountains,
glaciers, and each other.
Returning from an Alaskan retreat, I am different.
Nothing earth shattering and most likely not noticeable to most people I come into contact with.
Back home, the sky has not changed, the trees stand tall against the summer blue, and the grass is coarse from overdue rain.
Obligations, bills, demands, job – waited at the front door for the week to pass and my return.
Emails arrive in the overflowing inbox and the phone still rings.
Lines form at registers waiting for morning coffee.
But something is different.
I left here in a chaotic state, doubts of the pathway I built and have stayed on, despite the uncertainty. I was clinging to the next day or week, hoping that it will be different from today, that if I just hold-out, the answers and next direction will reveal themselves. I had become complacent and stagnant.
How many years was I going to relinquish control of my path to outside forces with unknown names and unfamiliar faces?
Something is different now that my feet are on the ground here. What happened up there in the Alaskan wilderness?
I walk to the backyard and stand on the cement patio with coffee. The morning sun rays begin to touch treetops and the golden glow is stark against the deep blue sky. But I do not see this and I do not hear the ravens playing in the fields beyond the hill.
Lost in some thought I cannot place, my eyes close and I am back in Alaska with a river stretching to the base of distant mountains. I am flying above glaciers and standing so close I can taste the cold. I am riding an ATV through forest and open fields until I stand overlooking the river valley and and lose myself to the silence, the beauty, and the immense landscape.
That is what I see now that I am back home. Now that I have returned from an Alaskan retreat, the burdens I left here with have been replaced with nature, tangible things I can see, touch, smell, taste. Things that will my mind and push everything else out. In return for this gift, I am more silent, thinking before I speak, and keeping more calm and control of myself as I attempt to cope with the present and push for a different future that I create.
