I have not been more at peace
nor been closer to my true being
than our time here, in the wilds
of Alaska, surrounded by mountains,
glaciers, and each other.
Returning from an Alaskan retreat, I am different.
Nothing earth shattering and most likely not noticeable to most people I come into contact with.
Back home, the sky has not changed, the trees stand tall against the summer blue, and the grass is coarse from overdue rain.
Obligations, bills, demands, job – waited at the front door for the week to pass and my return.
Emails arrive in the overflowing inbox and the phone still rings.
Lines form at registers waiting for morning coffee.
But something is different.
I left here in a chaotic state, doubts of the pathway I built and have stayed on, despite the uncertainty. I was clinging to the next day or week, hoping that it will be different from today, that if I just hold-out, the answers and next direction will reveal themselves. I had become complacent and stagnant.
How many years was I going to relinquish control of my path to outside forces with unknown names and unfamiliar faces?
Something is different now that my feet are on the ground here. What happened up there in the Alaskan wilderness?
I walk to the backyard and stand on the cement patio with coffee. The morning sun rays begin to touch treetops and the golden glow is stark against the deep blue sky. But I do not see this and I do not hear the ravens playing in the fields beyond the hill.
Lost in some thought I cannot place, my eyes close and I am back in Alaska with a river stretching to the base of distant mountains. I am flying above glaciers and standing so close I can taste the cold. I am riding an ATV through forest and open fields until I stand overlooking the river valley and and lose myself to the silence, the beauty, and the immense landscape.
That is what I see now that I am back home. Now that I have returned from an Alaskan retreat, the burdens I left here with have been replaced with nature, tangible things I can see, touch, smell, taste. Things that will my mind and push everything else out. In return for this gift, I am more silent, thinking before I speak, and keeping more calm and control of myself as I attempt to cope with the present and push for a different future that I create.
On 2017-08-08, we stepped out of comfort zones and took to the air for a flightseeing tour with Alaska Air Service, based in Anchorage, AK. Our pilot was Bill who is also the owner. We flew into the Chugach Mountains and were treated to awesome views of the Knik and Colony Glaciers. Also included was a gravel landing with a hike to get closer to the water, glacier, and icebergs.
- Knik Glacier / Chugach Mountains Flightseeing Tour
We spent August 7th with Glacier View ATV Tours at mile 99 of Glenn Highway in Glacier View, Alaska. We were fortunate to have the trails to ourselves and be guided by Tommy, one of the owners, for 2.5 hours of ATV riding through open fields, forest and to the top with a view over the Matanuska valley. The weather was perfect for trailing riding with temperatures in the 60’s, no rain, and no wind.
If you are in Alaska and looking for a fun way to spend time in the Alaskan wilderness, these is a great outfit to go with. Tommy is down to earth, easy to talk with, and provides a lot of knowledge and history of the area. One detail we were impressed with is Tommy stopped a few times to pick-up trash near the trail.
Into the rainforest we walk
with soft steps, silent voices, and open hearts.
Morning rain seeps through the tall trees
and the mountain side is shrouded in fog.
Deeper in we cross wooden bridges
over creeks following animal tracks,
we examine stones laced with scars,
and we marvel in being here, part of something larger.
In the afternoon, the sun clears the valley,
glaciers and avalanche debris will appear.
A follow-up to a previous post – Beneath the Surface
What lies beneath the surface,
the playground of ancient times,
lands ruled by survival,
raw and primal,
we forever live on some edge
with a defensive posture
ready to protect at all costs.
That slippery edge of snow and ice
straddling deep valleys,
like the string holding a life together,
a tether anchoring to some reality.
Do each of us have a monster inside
a beast we strive to hide from the
world, those close we love, and from our self?
At the end of each day
what are we truly running from?
What shadows lurk in the forest
and what shadows do we carry?
Across the fields with scattered snow
mountains rise from the earth
in spires of solid granite,
nearly featureless – how will
this barrier be overcome?
Standing at the base of the mountains
what hope I brought here
disperses on the cold wind
scouring the surface of the empty fields,
those fields I left behind years ago
when the beast chased me away.
I stood at the base of a mountain
on a world far from where I thought I was born
and fought the descending wind
gathering snow and ice.
The sky was void of any star
yet shadows moved across fields.
The sky gave nothing away
and kept directions secret.
Crossing snow bridges
and stepping between tall seracs
I moved away from the mountain
into unknown horizons.
Emerging from the forest
through the last barrier of this life,
beasts of the past intertwined with shadows
roam through the open field playing out their purpose.
Standing out of their way as
I am a visitor passing to the next life.
Crossing the field I am met
by concrete and metal machines.
Is this my next life
or only a preview of the coming revolution?
Smoke fills the darkened sky.
I forget where I am.
The field merges with the horizon.
Beasts disappear – were they even real?
Trees bend and in unison lift me from the field.
Passing through smoke filled dreams of the past or future
I emerge at the base of granite peaks.
The last time I exit the empty field,
crossing over the still black water
will be the last day in this flesh.
On the other side the machines
wait with steely patience
where they have stood for years.
When we next awaken from what seems like a dream
we will be near the base of Mons Olympus
at the start of the next life.