Finding closure with the things holding us back.
There is a lot of change in my life, and I’m getting older, and living life with regrets is not really living. Regrets are usually from the things you did not do, or the questions you did not ask, or the words you did not say. I have been taking stock and thinking about situations that have passed, and how I regret the way I dealt with them at the time, and really wish to go back and fix them, hold back anger, or have let go sooner. From this view looking back, all that I can do now is hold the experience close to heart, and know it is part of the foundation and layers making the person I am now. What good came out of my very brief marriage? Why did some people come into my life like a tasmanian devil and move on?
Often when in a situation, and two people walk away, we think “why did I not say something, or make the first move in reconciliation”. The more time that passes, the more damage, even subtle that is done, and builds over time. While the saying is that time repairs all wounds, I think it only goes so deep, and only applies to the surface, the front that we present ourselves as to others, and what we see in the mirror. Looking at the subconscious, the core of being, it is fragile and holds these things like magnets and a knife, causing more wounds to ourselves and others.
Part of desiring and reaching out for closure feels like a burden that can be unfair to the other people. It is important to think about this, and are you being selfish, will something good come out of this closure, or only cause more pain? Perhaps the other person is seeking the same closure with you. One thing I have struggled with is obtaining closure with people who have been important or pivotal in my life. It has not been easy with some people, but it really helps to move beyond some situations, or to repair and begin again in others. Sometimes the closure we seek is with people who have passed, and we are left with the words spoken from an aching heart.