Doors

As one door closes, another opens. An old saying, yes, and for the most part makes sense. However, I like the idea that, when one door closes, there was already five open.

In the midst of a transition as I take stock of life, I am opening many doors, and with a child-like curiosity, peeking into each, and deciding which path I will take next. Do I keep within the same career, or leap into something different, something more in line with the passions buried deep within, that I have given up trying to fight? Do we stay here or make the move to Alaska, where a good chunk of my being and heart lies upon the shore of Prince William Sound?

The one door I have been peering into the longest, sometimes with disdain, sometimes with the emotion of seeing a long-lost friend, is the one where I am a writer. Seeing myself from a distant, detached, 3rd-person, is both frightening and exhilarating. Is that something I can truly do if I let go of fear and the nagging feelings that there is no audience for me, that these words I write are just words, with no substance, no context, and no meaning?

Through all of the angst and defeat, I never fully closed this door. It was always left with a sliver of light coming out, as a reminder so I would not forget part of myself.

10 comments

  1. I like this. I don’t consider myself a writer. I write to clear my head. My mind runs so fast that when I write I have to slow way down and get it right. It’s not always easy but its like unraveling a tangled mess that ends up in a neat round ball of string. That’s the good thing about writing…. That door never closes unless you can’t communicate at all anymore.
    I too love Alaska… Kodiak island actually… Genes my youngest named Kodiak. đŸ™‚

    1. That is where the best writing comes from. You are not writing because of some external force or motivation. You write what is inside, for yourself. It is true and heartfelt, and a reflection of your being. Others can relate on many levels to your writing, and find something that strikes a cord with them.

  2. I was just contemplating “doors” today and it seems to me that self discipline is an important boundary. Without boundaries we never even see the doors. LOL message to myself. Thanks for reinforcing it with your post….

      1. Sure…I noticed the necessity of boundaries first while raising children. The right kind of boundaries gave focus, the ability to chose from something certain and defined…a comparative choice as skills developed and boundaries increased. Boundaries also gave emotionally needed protection while exploring.
        As an adult I think it works the same way. Providing the boundary of self discipline…the “just show up” each day trusting. Improving my skills as I go along. Being open ended about goals so I can see doors opening and incorporate others. And especially resting or moseying along for awhile, which I see as another boundary, when I’m not clear about where I am with something important. I guess you could say this is my chaos theory. Glad you asked. I needed a refresher.

        1. Thank you for the explanation. I am pondering your reply, as I feel there is an interesting balance between opposites. I am interpreting this as having an openness, just showing up, and chaos, within defined and neat boundaries. I am struggling to understand this, and for that alone, I appreciate your reply. It is stretching my own perception and boundaries.

  3. Hi William — Maybe those five other doors have been open all along, but without shutting one you don’t notice another.
    Seems to me you’ve already taken at least a few steps through that “writer” door. How does it feel in here?

    1. That is a great point. Sometimes we get lost in the other doors, too engrossed, and could miss on other opportunities. The door is not as stuffy and dark as before. It is more inviting and I might stay for awhile longer.

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