(1)

When evening light
scatters across the horizon

hidden behind the treeline
moving to the wind and

free of clouds, the orange
disk fills my eyes with

a field neither land nor sea
but made of light and our

feet walk gently upon this,
though I do not see you

my hand holds something
and from that I know you are here.

(2)

Back, years before this final moment,
I swam alone in an ocean of black water

with waves constantly throwing my
body between waves.

I caught glimpses of you in the
distance but I did not know how

far and I did not think I was ready
so I let you go, freed of the bonds,

and in my thinking gave you a
better life beyond here.

(3)

I awoke the next day caught again
between relief and panic.

(4)

Each year I think about you
and what might have been

what could have been
what my life would look like.

(5)

Each year pain and acceptance
filled my vision until I decided to let you go.

Guilt hung around for a while longer
until it too decided to let go.

(6)

18-years have passed and I see your
face in my dreams, in the setting sun

and the rising moon, in the still water
of the river flowing out to the sea.