answers

Poem – More Questions Than Answers

That crossroad we come to
in moments of stress and blocks,
the struggle choking rational thoughts,
the behavior, the actions – this is not me.

How did this happen?
How did I get here?

Change is subtle and patient.
One day we vow to find balance,
to live and act a certain way,
to be, most importantly, better than
our-self yesterday.

Then time takes over,
and one winter morning, awake before the alarm,
thoughts are consumed with the upcoming day,
week, and months, items and events beyond
control, but consuming, pushing
away everything that is important, that matters.

Closing eyes tight, breathing, trying to push
this away and overcome the thoughts, but it has wrapped cold bony
fingers around the mind and wont let go.

I am losing sight of the path,
I am losing focus of the empty fields.

Each day folds into another as the weeks
and months pass with little notice
and soon another year rises beyond the horizon
and I am forced to confront where I am in this life
and if this is where I want to be, is this the path
I started down before?

How do I break from this cycle?
How do I wrestle back control and stake claim
to the life I am meant to live?

Poem – Searching the Earth

Surrounded by more questions than answers
the day continues the race from yesterday.

Searching the earth for clues,
a sign,
some semblance
of another part of ourselves,
perhaps one that has answers,
one that has been down that path before.

We scrape the dry hardened ground and find nothing.

Hands steeped in dirt
the afternoon sun beats down
on exhausted bodies.

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Poem – Questions

“Are you out there beyond the
merging of the sky and the sea?”

I ask of the ravens atop trees
lining the shoreline.

I am torn as to my place here
when I only have a few fragments

left, the rest have scattered,
on a journey through the infinite

space, speeding toward the beginning
or some abstract ending.

An anxious feeling I cannot shake
as the questions keep building.

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Poem – This Way Before

I have been down this path before
that empty silent road leading
nowhere and everywhere, the cold
wind, the bare trees, and the sky
merging with the earth –

where does it end
and where does it go?

I have been in that state
of disconnect, beyond lost,
detached from people, from
reality, from myself, from home –

that place we come from
and look to for direction.

I looked, and looked everywhere,
out there, in the distance, to the sky
with anger and confusion, to others –

until I finally found the answer
here, starting with my feet touching
the dirt, and in each leaf and in
each animal gracing the earth.

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Poem – Boundaries and Borders That We Find That We Cross

Standing at the shoreline
I awake when the sun peaks
over the horizon and the waves
crawl across frozen rock and cover my feet.

I do not know how long I have been here
at this border between the land and the sea.
I have vague recollections of why I am here.

You see, years have passed and the person I am
today does not really resemble the man troubled
and lost, weak and scared.

Holding and embracing the experiences I peer
at each fragment, taste the memory and vow
to move on, to be better than I was, beyond myself
into the space and fields and sky that I exist within
and part of.

So I stand at this border dividing the land and sea.

Who will I become next?

By what standard do I hold my being to and if
I falter will I still cross the border?

I sit on the golden tinged earth
as questions I thought become
answers that I see when in the
distance a figure follows the only
path, the exact border between
the land and the sea and when
he is close his hand
placed upon my head and when
I look up, grandfather.

Poem – Finding Home in the Chaos – Part 4

These simple moments of nature’s gentle cycle
coupled with the raw energy exhibited here and beyond

humble this man juggling chaos
looking for simplicity

looking for answers to
questions I have not asked.

Poem – Mirror 2

Some mornings the face
turns and questions.

I have no answers except
confusion and distance.

Is this where I wanted to be?
Which version of me made this decision?

If now is the culmination of
three – past, present, and future…

and I see this confluence in the mirror
what does the reflection see?

Are the points of time the same
or the opposite, and in this

convergence what part does the
universe play?

Do the laws of physics
still apply or has this

situation elevated to a
higher state of being,

one which I do not understand
am not ready for, or this just a mirror?

Poem – Mirror

The mirror is still and silent.
The mirror has no voice.

The mirror follows me
neither of us has a choice.

I watch myself
watching me.

The mirror reflects the sky
reflecting the sea.

Passing time has brought
changes and distance

the face grey with wrinkles
this person makes less sense.

How did I get here
where do I desire to go?

If the mirror is my reflection
what more must I show?

Random 9/11 Thoughts

(1)

A depth of feeling
carried each day
buried into the subconscious
of each witness, born into
each offspring, burned into
humanities collective.

(2)

Questions will always outweigh
the answers when we attempt and
desire to look beneath the
surface, the material evidence,
the words and images – we want
the person’s thoughts, state
of mind, controlled actions, the
depth or lack of emotion.

The motivation. The why.

A snapshot of the moment’s impact.

What we all left behind
and what we are left with
incomplete and still searching.

(3)

Will closure ever come?

(4)

Even when we really do not
want to hear, the edge of
reason and the unknown can
only be walked for so long
before it takes over and consumes
and we free fall through the void
the dark night – or we accept
what is done, gather the pieces that
are left and attempt to rebuild.

When the trees weep

When the trees weep
the raging battle has taken a turn.

Rivers disappear and a lonely
dog walks the dry riverbed.

Grains of sand and stone
from the mountains consume

the landscape and put to rest
what we know, hide what we are.

The weeping tree turns away from the
sun and moves deeper into the forest.

~

I sat on the rocks
overlooking the sea

the sun was nowhere
to be found.

I looked for reasons
in the waves and white foam.

I sought solace from starfish
and fallen feathers.

Consumed by questions and
lacking any understanding

any reason for the state of the world
for the actions of a few affecting many.

~

I looked down at my hands
and into my heart.

If the answers are not out there
if they are hidden and buried

then I must look within
at what I can do here and now.

~

Sister to sister.
Brother to brother.

Human to human.
We are one.

Some may travel far.
Some may reach great heights

and attain great power
from the golden throne

but we are made of the same compounds
we breathe the same air

we care for and love our children
and we protect our families.

We hope and pray for tomorrow
to make it through the night.

~

When the sirens wail
masking the mother weeping

alone in the streets
we have lost humanity

we have lost hope and
we have lost the war.