lost

Poem – More Questions Than Answers

That crossroad we come to
in moments of stress and blocks,
the struggle choking rational thoughts,
the behavior, the actions – this is not me.

How did this happen?
How did I get here?

Change is subtle and patient.
One day we vow to find balance,
to live and act a certain way,
to be, most importantly, better than
our-self yesterday.

Then time takes over,
and one winter morning, awake before the alarm,
thoughts are consumed with the upcoming day,
week, and months, items and events beyond
control, but consuming, pushing
away everything that is important, that matters.

Closing eyes tight, breathing, trying to push
this away and overcome the thoughts, but it has wrapped cold bony
fingers around the mind and wont let go.

I am losing sight of the path,
I am losing focus of the empty fields.

Each day folds into another as the weeks
and months pass with little notice
and soon another year rises beyond the horizon
and I am forced to confront where I am in this life
and if this is where I want to be, is this the path
I started down before?

How do I break from this cycle?
How do I wrestle back control and stake claim
to the life I am meant to live?

Poem – Perhaps the Ravens Were the Dream

Awakened by raven screams
from the top of trees above
the rocky shoreline,
I briefly let go of the
dream I was lost within.

I wait. Hoping for its’ return.

Perhaps the ravens were the dream.

When the integration process started
there were no words exchanged,
no way to communicate until
we discovered the universal
language of dreams and music.

Perhaps the ravens were the dream.

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Poem – Searching the Earth

Surrounded by more questions than answers
the day continues the race from yesterday.

Searching the earth for clues,
a sign,
some semblance
of another part of ourselves,
perhaps one that has answers,
one that has been down that path before.

We scrape the dry hardened ground and find nothing.

Hands steeped in dirt
the afternoon sun beats down
on exhausted bodies.

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Poem – This Way Before

I have been down this path before
that empty silent road leading
nowhere and everywhere, the cold
wind, the bare trees, and the sky
merging with the earth –

where does it end
and where does it go?

I have been in that state
of disconnect, beyond lost,
detached from people, from
reality, from myself, from home –

that place we come from
and look to for direction.

I looked, and looked everywhere,
out there, in the distance, to the sky
with anger and confusion, to others –

until I finally found the answer
here, starting with my feet touching
the dirt, and in each leaf and in
each animal gracing the earth.

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Poem – Wandering The Path

Wandering the path with
eyes closed I let myself

find a way through this world
with decreasing interference

with less attachment to the
things that mar the life being led

and I think I can do this alone
until I open my eyes and see you.

The Way

The Way

Poem – Wild

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I now walk into the wild
away from you and
closer to the true
being within, away
from the falsehoods,
and toward the truth.

I now walk into the wild
free of labels and expectations
free of some grand design.

I will remember you
not for any moment
or the almost kiss we shared
but for your innocence
and the beauty you hid.

In the wild I am not lost
as silent beings larger
and older than myself
stand across the river
and witness my transformation
and my ending.

Poem – Where the Color Comes From

The lonely path tunneled
through the daily routine
and expectations.

The tunnel became your
gateway and hiding place,
a retreat when life
became too real, a distraction.

Did you ever see the
colors of the sunset?

Or even then was
the winter sun awash of colors,
a gray scale landscape
pushing you inward?

Poem – Searching in the Wasteland – Part 1

I see you across the distance
a face not known yet
I feel a connection
and I would follow you
but the space elongates.

I woke walking through an unfamiliar
valley of overturned sand,
the walls not earth but
fragments and rusted steel
reminders of a history
of time forgotten now
unearthed and the memories
are bitter and foreign.

There, I still you in the distance.

A fleeting shadow drifting in the waves.

Poem – What is this Fire We Walk Within?

I don’t need words and pages
to explain the concept of hell –
just being human, just living
will teach you invaluable lessons,
will drag you through depths
testing and defining character
while breaking what you thought you know,
who you thought you were.

Hell is boundless and placeless –
stop for a moment while watching a version of yourself
repeat mistakes and moments, the outcome the same,
the soul that much more jaded with each pass.

Is that any way to live?
Is that what we were meant for?

What is this fire we walk within?
It is the experiences we ignore.
It is the respect we chose to forget.

Poem – Release

I awoke – from the ocean
pushed deep from the
waters weight I could
not breath, I could not move,
and I could not see outward,
but in my mind I swam
freely through images, and time,
experiences, regrets, and loss.

I held these close to my heart
to my fractured mind until I
became consumed, distracted, disconnected – lost.

Only when I released you
did I awake from the ocean.