That crossroad we come to
in moments of stress and blocks,
the struggle choking rational thoughts,
the behavior, the actions – this is not me.
How did this happen?
How did I get here?
Change is subtle and patient.
One day we vow to find balance,
to live and act a certain way,
to be, most importantly, better than
Then time takes over,
and one winter morning, awake before the alarm,
thoughts are consumed with the upcoming day,
week, and months, items and events beyond
control, but consuming, pushing
away everything that is important, that matters.
Closing eyes tight, breathing, trying to push
this away and overcome the thoughts, but it has wrapped cold bony
fingers around the mind and wont let go.
I am losing sight of the path,
I am losing focus of the empty fields.
Each day folds into another as the weeks
and months pass with little notice
and soon another year rises beyond the horizon
and I am forced to confront where I am in this life
and if this is where I want to be, is this the path
I started down before?
How do I break from this cycle?
How do I wrestle back control and stake claim
to the life I am meant to live?
I see you across the distance
a face not known yet
I feel a connection
and I would follow you
but the space elongates.
I woke walking through an unfamiliar
valley of overturned sand,
the walls not earth but
fragments and rusted steel
reminders of a history
of time forgotten now
unearthed and the memories
are bitter and foreign.
I don’t need words and pages
to explain the concept of hell –
just being human, just living
will teach you invaluable lessons,
will drag you through depths
testing and defining character
while breaking what you thought you know,
who you thought you were.
Hell is boundless and placeless –
stop for a moment while watching a version of yourself
repeat mistakes and moments, the outcome the same,
the soul that much more jaded with each pass.
Is that any way to live?
Is that what we were meant for?
What is this fire we walk within?
It is the experiences we ignore.
It is the respect we chose to forget.
I awoke – from the ocean
pushed deep from the
waters weight I could
not breath, I could not move,
and I could not see outward,
but in my mind I swam
freely through images, and time,
experiences, regrets, and loss.
I held these close to my heart
to my fractured mind until I
became consumed, distracted, disconnected – lost.
Only when I released you
did I awake from the ocean.