I posted part of this a few days ago. It’s the first new poem I have written in awhile as I wait for my well to replenish. This is the completed first part of the piece. I have tried writing 1 or 2 more sections to this, but they are coming across as forced, contrite, and quite frankly give way too much away – thus violating one of the rules of poetry. Show and guide the reader, but let them find their own path and meaning.
Here it is:
I have been walking for years
Searching for one picture
Of the face turned away from me
Only a wisp and a shadow of your profile.
I have no memory or recollection
of your eyes, or your voice.
I only have the dark outline
and billowing dress as you
stand above the raging waters.
I step carefully, and follow
a peculiar path as someone
has passed before me.
Decades before I arrived here
I made a vow and that vow
became my only thought, my only purpose
to learn again, to find, to remember.
I asked a medicine man what can be done
how do I find you again.
I have been walking in the valley
of fragmented dreams for years.
So much time has passed I forgot
how many times I have fractured,
the glassmaker has become my sponsor.
The medicine man imparted these words
before transforming into a raven
and vanishing from this space:
Forced thinking, what you seek dissapears.
Beyond the mountain the valleys
are deep and wide.
Going into them blind, distracted
thinking, will consume you.
Instead enter the gate and immediately stop.
See your arms outstretched.
Welcome the valley to you.
As you have come here.
See with eyes closed.
Touch with arms at your side.
Breath deeply the lushness
and direction of the wind.
Now, search for what you have lost.
I feel to my knees into
a small stream of cold water.
Clear and nearly stationary
I raised my cupped hands
and cleansed my tired, worn face
wash years of continuous searching away.
Until the water settled again
and a smooth surface reappeared
I did not notice what surrounded
and protected the space I was within.
20 thoughts on “Untitled Poem”
Quite powerful for having “well replenishing” issues haha I really like the existential and thoughtful voice and tone of your writing. The loneliness and earnestness here is very affecting.
Thank you Pete. I think I have learned to not force writing when I feel empty. There is always something lurking, waiting. When I go to edit this one, I’m thinking of giving it the title “In the Valley of Fragmented Dreams”. What do you think of that?
What do YOU think of it? 🙂 It certainly makes for a nice bridge there in the middle of the poem and helps it move along I’d say (my opinion). I’m all about a bridge haha It’s fitting as you open with walking, then stepping, etc. I got chills actually when I just reread it thinking of that title in mind. But your call of course, what do YOU think of it haha
In this case, I thought of that title first, and then wrote around it. When completed, I thought the title then gave too much away, and led the reader to where I wanted to go, which was obviously not my intention. But, it sets the place and kind of summarizes how the participant got there. The piece references other characters and concepts that are fully expanded in a collection of poems, so I may post some other pieces that fill in some blanks.
Love what you took away and effect it had on you, than you very much for sharing.
The imagery is powerful with beauty and insights about life. In that cold water, I would cleanse my face too, and end the search, to be in the moment. I love this kind of writing.
Humbled, thank you for the kind words. This piece presents a nice overview of my beliefs and where I am going form here. I appreciate your time in reading my work on here.
This poem has been written so well. very meaningful.. It should be natural and overt thinking doesn’t work.. Has this been published?
Thank you so much for your thoughts. It has not been published, nor submitted anywhere. It was written the past couple of weeks.
Any idea for a title?
‘What Do I Seek?’ or ‘Awareness’ or ‘In Search Of..’ Let me know when you decide on a title?
I will definitely update the title as it gels and of course let you know. The only title I have come up with so far, may or may not give too much away, but sets where the scene is taking place: In the Valley of Fractured Dreams. With this title, it sets where, and gives a bit of a clue what the obstacles and various debris are. That might play more into the “Leftover” poems which delve into more detail.
In the Valley of Fractured Dreams – sounds very interesting. Thank you for the reply and looking forward to more updates:)
It ties into a collection I have with a similar title, that I have been shopping around.
Very good! It’s one that truly touches every corner of the heart.
Thank you Jeannie, I appreciate your thoughts and comments. I debate if this should be the whole poem, or if it should continue, delve more into what is being sought.
Thank you for sharing.
Love the imagery!
Thank you love.