Deep into the frozen land we venture.

Holding hands with no words spoken.

Miles away mountain shadows grow as the sun appears.

Like old film stuttering and jumping we desperately hold to this place to this moment.

Fading between gusts of wind we taste the other side the other world the other dimension some might say.

Existing between worlds we see what will come or what has passed.

 

Copyright 2013 (c) William Ricci

Do you remember where you were
that night in the autumn

the first hard freeze and the
sky exploding with clouds and light?

I will never forget where I was
standing near the pond

filled with an orange reflection
waiting for the call, for you.

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Thinking back on the past
I see the signs and guides

more clearly and with more
openness than at the time.

Thinking about where I am now
I plan what future I want,

the reach of my sphere of influence
and the morals I must exhibit.

What I question are the words
thrown to the wind by others,

by shamans and preachers.
By those speaking of truth,

another way to live, of
supposed lies, our blindness

while they pilfer our pockets
and exist in the same state.

What matters most are words and actions
of respect, peace, and unity to those

we love, know, and hold and those
we have never met here.

What matters most are the daily choices
made for ourselves and those around us.

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The other evening under an August sky
a faint Orion stood tall next to the moon.

I wrapped my arms around the softness
felt ancient love, a timeless longing.

I touched the moon

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To mom and pops


Light edges across the roof
giving rise to my shadow.

With eyes closed I know
it is there, I know I am home.

I left 20 years ago
trying to find my way

to make my own life
and path.

Travelling to other countries
finding my heart in Alaska

but I always came back
to where my roots planted –

where I first tasted
natures’ sweetness

and felt pain and love,
where I struggled with

childhood and a place
within the chaos.

No matter where I went
home was there waiting

with mom and pops
arms out unconditionally.


Home, Sunrise
Home, Sunrise

Remember the day we met

our first kiss

our trip to Iceland and Alaska

long after we leave here

energy circling across

and through dark matter

until we decide to come

back here and begin

looking for each other again.

Here I am at a local park that has a cafe with local, fair trade coffee. It is Friday evening, the coffee has kicked in, and I am listening to Olafur Arnalds. A wedding is in the beginning stages of setup, and the bridal party is arriving, one and two people at a time. I think about young love. That love when things are still new, and lives apart and together stretch far across the fields. That love where things can be superficial and forgiveness fleeting or without deeper meaning.

I do not think about or reminisce about specifics, but smile when I think of where I stand today, that I made it through those moments, and when right, grasped the true and long-term meaning of love. I held dear to what was important, and let go of Hollywood romanticism, dug my heals in and fought like hell when I screwed up, to hang on. Even knowing that all my actions and words, all of the apologies and promises, may not make an ounce of difference, that remote possibility of forgiveness and another chance, to be in your life, in your presence, to be across the table from you over the morning paper and coffee, gave me breath, gave me life..

That is love.

Senzing Zen_01I see a stone path through the graying clouds
this near November day.

I remember the day smothered
by black clouds torn from the sky.

I watched you dance in the cold
rain pooling with no care of those watching.

Swirling faster as the rain fell
harder until collapsing in a heap.

Perfect silence as I walk to you
offer a hand to pull you closer.

Standing together, rain washes over our
faces whispering words only we know.

That day walking through the burning forest
I followed the path you created.

Sharing the same plane and experience
from your point of view.

At times, I do not understand or see
what you see, what drives your passion.

But I know you are alive, a being
with awareness of what is out here.

And for that and because of that
I love you.

This is the second of three parts to the “Old Barn” poems.


The Oklahoma Barn

1

In the summer of 1974, I spent 3-months with grandma and grandpa Batcher at the farm on the plains of eastern Oklahoma, surrounded by fireweed and roses.

2

I remember our second summer together, and the first road trip we wanted to plan.  You desired Colorado and the mountain air surrounded by white-tipped peaks.  I had another idea, and agreed to anywhere you liked as long as we visited Oklahoma for a day or two.  There is something I want to show you – in the fields, on the outskirts of town, a farm where my grandparents migrated and where I grew up within the fields, the bluffs and the river.

3

The faded red farmhouse resides west of Main Street on the right-had side of Batcher Road.

Welcome home – grayed-white patchwork fence, the grain silo with silver dome slightly askew, and the mailbox carved from fallen poplar atop welded iron rings and railroad ties.  Though the baked apple pie and old spice no longer permeate the summer air, the rusty red and white tricycle waits on the front porch, exactly where it was left.

4

Deep ruts with overgrown grasses to either side demark the driveway.  Flora long ago took over the prized gardens that fed the family and townspeople.  Taken each week to the farmers market, grandpa heaved corn, tomatoes and cucumbers into the truck bed.

The red 1949 Ford F1 with white sidewalls sagged in the rear.  Grandpa spent more time reinforcing the suspension then he did growing the fruits and vegetables.

I helped grandpa each morning load the previous days harvest into the back of the rusty Ford which took a bit of coaxing to get moving out of first gear.  Grandpa had time, and I was happy just being with grandpa.  It did not matter how long it took to leave the driveway.

To the left of the farmhouse, near a small apple orchard, three weeping willow trees approach their full height.  The veil of branches reaches down and touches the earth.  Walking along the side of the house through knee-high grass, small rocks, and the burrowed tunnel openings, something in the distance reflects the sun.  Somewhere in the wild grass, the hand pump connected to the well that grandpa dug and built, lies rusting.

5

On the 18th of April, the swallows left the barnyard.  Their empty nests tossed about – in the trees, the yard, within the gutters.  The last breath sighed from the barn as the roof collapsed.  Winter left behind decaying acorns, leaves and branches.

6

A thousand feet or so west of the farmstead, the earth gains elevation.  Rising closer to the sky and meeting the heavy clouds and the rolling cumulonimbus – the gray and black with tinges of pink as the afternoon sun plays.

I take your hand and we walk the trail packed from years of hard labor, now covered in big bluestem.  The bluff overlooks the creek flowing north to south through fields toward the waiting lake.  To the northeast, a slight movement of black feathers catches the eye.  A flock of ravens hold their pattern just above the wheat tops.  In the far distance, perhaps 2 or 3 miles, the suns shadow retreats toward the tree line, over the top and back to the horizon.

7

I remember the creaking barn doors – oak stained red and streaking from years of fending off  straight-line winds and rain as storms made their way east across the plains.  The wide path strewing hay, fence posts, barbed wire, windows, and an old John Deere.

Walking along the back of the house, the barn comes into view – one I have not seen in seven years.  The white trim faded and stained with grime.  Along the perimeter, wild roses bloom with lucid colors against the dulled barn.  Even from this distance the black iris is unmistakable.  Their silk petals shimmer behind the swirling willow branches.

8

A letter sent from the neighbor a mile down the road, who found grandpa, said he was under the willow tree where the black iris grows.  Each winter since April 18th, 3 of them poke through the drifting snow.

We decide to spend the evening in the farmhouse one last time before new owners receive the key and title next week.  They may keep the farmstead as is or raze the house and build new – I have no care, except the barn.  I pray the barn in its leaning and dilapidated state, but full of personal history, is spared.  I hope they let the wild iris and willow trees grow and continue bringing peace and silence.  In due time the elements and earth will take the barn on their terms, returning what we took by hand.

9

Near midnight we are awakened by thunder and intense light though the bare windows.   Sleep finally came after the storm moved east across the fields, into the distant plains.

10

Nine years old and we run through tall summer grass swaying in the northern wind.  Each tip reaches toward the ground.  We run for hours chasing something long forgotten since the game began.  Any one of us, including Leroy the black lab, could be “it”.

Timmy is near the creek and a willow tree as his laughter gives away his guarded secret.  Johnny is lying somewhere in the grass, muffled giggles that Leroy is desperately looking for.  The howls, quick barks, and  the tail straight as if the great hunter has found the treasured pheasant lurking amongst the Indian grass.

We run chasing shouts of “you’re it” and “catch me if you can” until knees are numb and our breath can no longer be caught.  Collapsing into clumps near the creek, smiles and laughter carry down the shore, along each bank, and into the changing leaves and branches.

11

The summers on the barn will never be forgotten.  No matter how things were going with mom and pops back home, the time with Grandpa loading the vegetables, chasing Leroy through the fields, fishing in the creek, stealing bits of the fresh apple pie, or just laying in the tall grass and imagining shapes within the clouds, became a part of me.

This old barn 004

This old barn 004

An old abandoned barn lies on the east side of town, at the end
of Baker’s road, where the tar abruptly changes to gravel, dusty this
time of year as rain has been scarce and the crops are wilting

coming up the driveway, a neglected John Deere
greets you with rust and smeared green paint, revealing the steel machine
underneath, a workhorse in the fields, taking stalk after stalk

from the earth, a bounty each year for the family with hopes
of selling a few bushels at the market on main street
that is the past now, rain has not visited, people have

not visited, a once lush yard, crunches beneath my feet
impending fire permeates the air, timber from the fence
I built last summer, blown apart by that storm, a tricycle

faded blue kids pool, half a tire, a 1938 Studebaker
– I would still like to restore – and a menagerie of
other things are carelessly strewn about near the for sale sign

I remember the winters spent cuddled in front of the potbelly stove
a wool blanket for one stretched to two
whose turn is it to fetch a few more logs, the flame is getting low

I miss those days, coffee from the French press
thick with crema and cream from the ranch
your silhouette in the kitchen through the fabric screen

a glass of wine, olive oil and teak mixing
an image back home of San Giovanni, I close my eyes
and see you picking olives, dressed in white

one last trip to the barn, the scent hangs in the air,
you may still be here, but I do not hear any voices
as the fire takes hold and ashes replace hay bales


* Photo by Twisted Root Studios