That crossroad we come to
in moments of stress and blocks,
the struggle choking rational thoughts,
the behavior, the actions – this is not me.
How did this happen?
How did I get here?
Change is subtle and patient.
One day we vow to find balance,
to live and act a certain way,
to be, most importantly, better than
Then time takes over,
and one winter morning, awake before the alarm,
thoughts are consumed with the upcoming day,
week, and months, items and events beyond
control, but consuming, pushing
away everything that is important, that matters.
Closing eyes tight, breathing, trying to push
this away and overcome the thoughts, but it has wrapped cold bony
fingers around the mind and wont let go.
I am losing sight of the path,
I am losing focus of the empty fields.
Each day folds into another as the weeks
and months pass with little notice
and soon another year rises beyond the horizon
and I am forced to confront where I am in this life
and if this is where I want to be, is this the path
I started down before?
How do I break from this cycle?
How do I wrestle back control and stake claim
to the life I am meant to live?
As my years here have grown,
and the world around shrinks,
the uncertainty of time increases,
and if I only learn one thing in this life,
it is this:
Cherish today, the people, animals, trees, right here in your grasp, as tomorrow they may slip away. Tomorrow may arrive, or it may not.
I see the day slip into the night
and the trees I am surrounded by
reach into the darkness.
In another life after
I am the same essence
in a metallic shell.
In another life before
I am the farmer clearing
fields for wheat and corn.
In this life now
I am the culmination
of all experiences.
Every day is a battle
to find more or slow down or move faster.
Yet time is not aware of our desires
and continues in one steady direction.
The very definition of time is based on
processes and natural events occurring
millions of miles beyond the grasp
of worn and tired hands.
Yet we continue to pin our decisions,
our careers, our relationships, and our lives on time.
We lose focus on now as we reminisce of the past
and wish for the future.
We forget how precious time can be
if we choose to accept our loss of control.
We can only control the present, the people,
and the moments we hold close.
In what appears as two strangers
passing in an overcrowded
train station waiting to
be taken home, I saw you
in the mirror and aside from
the same face, the eyes
were deeper, content,
focused on today.
As my years have passed
more slowly now that I stop
sometimes to catch a deep breath
and really inhale the rising scent of pine,
I see that each day is a gift
and the time in my past cannot be changed,
and the future is always shrouded in mystery,
and I can only live in and embrace the present.
At the top of the mountain
beyond the pass
I stopped and looked back
at the path I wandered
and there were no footsteps
in the powdered snow.
Further beyond the talus and scree
the empty field burns
and I watch with waning
fear as I let go of that
previous version of me
burning beneath the tree of life.