Poem – What is a Life?

What is a life
but the experiences
and memories,
the fragments pieced
together as the sentient being.

What is a life
but the place
we fill within
the world we see
and the universe unseen.

“We speak of nature, of the natural world, as if that were something distinct from ourselves and the social world we appear to have made, seldom noticing that we are in nature and never out of it…” – John Haines, “Fables and Distances”

Poem – Dreams

Children in the summer
Chasing dogs through
Fields open to the big sun.

Thoughts free of burden
Free of time they explore
Worlds beyond this one.

Always a step ahead
And pushing forward
They become the stars we see.

So what happened?
Where did our dreams go?

The older we become
The more experiences we obtain

It seems our dreams become fantasies
And we become rooted in reality.

Yet we will continue reaching
Back to reach out to those stars

Through reminiscing and visiting
The places of childhood.

We know something is missing
We always know the child was right.

The child was free of outward voices
And able to reach deep within and

Hold close the energy the fuels and
Drives who we truly are.

Never let go of dreams
Never let go of your true being.

Poem – A Plea, part 2

I see you in fragmented dreams
images from a life I have not lived

unfocused faces and voices
mouthing words I cannot hear.

I see images on billboards
and movie vignettes where

touching moments break through
the wall 20-years old.

I see you in rare dreams
sourced from beyond this life,

beyond the choice I made
and the weight I have carried.

If you are out there behind
the trees the shadow

following me through the
forest as the sun sets

please let me know,
please let me know.

Poem – Layered Sky

Layered autumn sky
like the waves rising
from the horizon minutes
before landing at the shore.

Sky layered like the
chapters of a life lived
and lived hard – pages
become the days counted
since the beginning of time –
that experience we survived
emerging from the fire
carrying the fragments that are left –
cooling, changing shape and
becoming the person we are.

DSCF0015

Thoughts on the Empty Field

I have written a bit about the concept of an empty field and what this means spiritually, mentally, and physically to myself as a wandering soul, a student of this life struggling to relate and come to terms with previous lives.  The empty field is the essence of the mind and energy transferred to a physical state, represented by a field, landscape, or a similar feature of nature.  This field is like a chessboard, and there are pieces representing parts of the person such as memories, roadblocks, behaviors, and habits that prevent a more peaceful and happier existence.  We do not have to struggle and suffer. We can choose and recast ourself and re-enter the world.


Romanticism of the Empty Field

(1)

From two perspectives –
the field gives, and
the field takes.

I see mountains and other
landscapes miles away, yet
here they have no influence.

Yet I cannot help wonder
what was here before me?
Before emptiness?
Does this field hold the
mountains higher, or offer
clear water to the gods?

On this particular day
cloudless and bright
there was no wind,
there was no sound.

I stopped on a single boulder
with eyes closed and filled the
emptiness with childhood memories –
moments we bring into the present
and view with a diffused and
soft light – the romanticism
of our past.

What happens to the real
memories, the emotions – where
are these upon the empty field?

Have I already incorporated
what I needed, taken the experience
and lessons, and discarded what
does not work, what only
weighs me down?

(2)

When I stand before the
entrance to the valley
and the immense gates
ask questions of me

how do I answer truthfully
when I left part of me
scattered and broken
fractured and fragmented
across millions of miles
of empty field?

Does the gate see the
same light or hear
the same vibrations as I?

(3)

I step down from the boulder
and vow to recast the person
I am into the person I should be
and begin to reassemble the being
from the pieces.

Essay – Guides and Turning Points

How did I get here? An important question I throw into the air while reading, writing, and drinking coffee on a cold morning with early sunlight across the fields.

In this current state of being, I awoke a few years ago after sleep walking through most of my life and leaving my path up to others, letting go of control.

It is simple and easy to look outside of yourself for direction and answers, and others are more then willing to lead and take you where they want you to go. I let this happen and my life was just a passing shadow, a fading glimpse of what could be and what I already was beneath the surface. Where was I really and truly? Where was he hiding, how could I find him, and the most important and challenging question: how to become aware that I was NOT being my true self?

The day to day struggles, emotions, and experience build upon others, all figuring into the outward person you are, the one we walk around with. What does this build within? How and what do these experiences build on the inside?

As they build on top of others, the layers push further away from a central point, diluting and diminishing the light, the lantern that is within. I had not seen my light, my lantern since before I was born, wandering a different place. Somehow I knew it was there, I had a vague and distant pain that this not my first time here. That there was more, but I was confused and unsure of what I was feeling and what I would see in dreams. I felt lost in one regard, and in another I was angry that I was unable to unlock the secrets deep within.

Like flotsam carried downstream beneath bridges, past cities, and into valleys before washing out to sea.

Whether intentional or not, we attract others that align or sense the energy that we give off, those vibrations that consume our thoughts and essence. I was searching each minute of each day, and that was what my life had become at that point. In this spiritual emptiness, I had become vulnerable, listening and latching onto anyone that said the right words, that seemed to be genuine, interested, and in some ways an equal, even if I did not believe or feel that way.

Further lost in the sea, the dark depths swallowed everything I saw.  Any glimpse of light vanished, any indication of land or solid ground, gone.

Until I met you.

I felt reborn and the darkness began to clear as you chipped away at the layers and stone scattered across my field. Your stories of things beyond here, of experiences from previous lives meant I was not alone, that what I felt was real.

Finally, someone to walk the golden shoreline, hand in hand as we watch the sunset and the calm sea.

From your guidance I realized the reality I desired, the control I had, and the answers within. I saw this current life as a field, and my experiences manifested as objects, tokens, and cairns. How we navigate that field, what we keep, and what we discard, determine the reality and the life we live.

I now see with more clarity the guides that I come into contact with, and know which are real and which are not.  I now see the stone cairns I have left for myself from previous and future lives.  I now walk this field with an ever-growing awareness of myself and the path I will take.

Golden Sunrise

Golden Sunrise

Poem – Walked Across the Field

I walked across that empty field
after the weeds took over
and boulders fell from the darkening
sky and trees took root.

I walked across what used
to be the empty field
a gameboard for my mind
a history of what has

taken place, what I allowed
to happen and I threw
gasoline everywhere and
took refuge within while the sky burned.


Sky on Fire

Sky on Fire

Alaska 2013 – Whitewater Rafting

The main reason I returned to Alaska this year was for a new experience, and that was whitewater rafting.  Something I have never done, but I figured if you ware going to, go all out.  On September 4th, we took to the class IV and V rapids of 6-mile creek near Hope Alaska through NOVA River Runners.  Before they let you into the raft, you had to pass a swim test.  This consisted of diving into the water, swimming downstream, flipping onto your back,  feet first, and then swimming across the river, near an eddy, to the shore.

The river flows through a beautiful valley and through 3 canyons.  The sun was out and early fall was in full swing.  This was easily the best part of the trip.


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